1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,200 This programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:12,600 Brilliant! Found you! Sergeant Morrision, is it? 3 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,240 Yes, ma'am. Captain Ellen Best. 4 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,720 I'm the new ATO with Bluestone 42 who are... 5 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,040 Oh. 6 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,360 THEY PANT 7 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,480 Come on, Mac! 8 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,680 We tabbed it over. Which was...informative. 9 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:31,960 Thirsty! 10 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:36,160 They're a work in progress, but excellence takes time. 11 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,320 As does fitness... 12 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:39,840 trust... 13 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,480 and everything else. 14 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:45,480 So, you found a stash of home-made explosive? Just over here. 15 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:50,360 You lot are slower than my nipper, and she shuffles on her arse. 16 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,160 You got here last! 17 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:55,760 I was bringing up the rear! The fastest goes at the back. 18 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,480 The fastest gets there first. 19 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:01,040 I don't think you understand what a race is, Towerblock. 20 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,840 It wasn't a race. You're just saying that cos I won. 21 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:07,280 You didn't win. The fittest brings up the rear! 22 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,520 Back me up here, Bird. Oh, whatever. 23 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,320 Fight your own battles. 24 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:14,080 Not really how the army works, but thanks, Bird. 25 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,680 OK, team! 26 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:19,280 Let's see some fives and twenties, set up an ICP and... 27 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,080 HE PANTS AND GROANS 28 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,840 Simon, are you OK? Totally ready, ma'am. 29 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:28,920 Good. 30 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:57,760 Can't believe she made us tab it all the way back. 31 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:00,160 It's called leadership, Mac. Is it? 32 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:02,360 Nick would've sorted out transport... 33 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,040 ..somehow. 34 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,400 Or got us to carry him. 35 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:10,200 Oh, I think she's the kind of leader we've been crying out for. 36 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,680 You fancy her. What? No. 37 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,280 It's called the chain of command. 38 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,840 Ah, got you! 39 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,360 "Oh, Captain, tie me up with your chain of command. 40 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,880 "Oh, ma'am! Oh!" 41 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,960 OK, guys. Take a seat, take a seat. 42 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:29,200 Right. 43 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,280 Why did we join the Army? Go! 44 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,600 Don't think about it. Go. 45 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,200 Shoot people. Free food! 46 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,560 Blow shit up. Annoy my parents. 47 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:45,680 Do you want to know why I joined the army? 48 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,560 I joined the army because I wanted to... 49 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,360 Er, boss? Oh, sorry. Yes, Simon. Go ahead. 50 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,560 I wanted to be the best. 51 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,360 Great, yes! Me too! 52 00:02:56,360 --> 00:03:00,160 I wanted to be the best. 53 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,720 And I want you to want to be the best. 54 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:08,320 So that's why, after Ops, my teams always have coldies and PMA. 55 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:09,840 Great! 56 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,400 What is that? 57 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:15,600 Cold drinks and a Post Match Analysis of the last operation. 58 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:20,600 A totally non-judgemental chat about all the mistakes that were made. 59 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,800 What? But we found the HME and blew it up. 60 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,200 SHE GASPS Oh, was that wrong? 61 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,920 No. But I've seen the way you operate. 62 00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:31,960 Or the way you've been allowed to operate. 63 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:33,880 "Allowed to operate"? 64 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:37,000 Look at this. This is six months out of date. 65 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,440 This hasn't been current since Herrick 14. 66 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:44,440 And this is smeared with what I can only hope is chocolate spread. 67 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,320 Are we really being the best? 68 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,960 At putting up posters? Probs not. 69 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,720 Ma'am, let me volunteer to sort out the notice board. 70 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:53,920 There it is. 71 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:57,840 And the storage system in the team ISO needs to be rationalising. 72 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,240 He wants to sort out your box, ma'am. 73 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,840 OK. Thank you. So, I put some cans in the evidence fridge before we left. 74 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,760 I'll get them! Mint. Gleaming! 75 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,600 Cold drinks help with alertness. 76 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,560 Alertness leads to a positive attitude. 77 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,000 I call it alertitude. 78 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,160 The fridge... It's gone! 79 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,200 ALL: What? 80 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:21,360 See? No fridge! 81 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,080 My cheese was in that fridge! 82 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:26,800 BOTH: No, it wasn't. 83 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,560 Bloody hell. 84 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,680 OK, guys. Very funny. 85 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,680 This is the Bluestone 42 I've heard about! 86 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,520 So where's the fridge? Fuck knows. 87 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:38,640 Ma'am. 88 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,120 OK. Great! 89 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:42,320 Humour! 90 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,360 Wind up the new ATO. 91 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,760 But humour can get in the way of best practice 92 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:48,680 and that is what's happened here. So... 93 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:51,200 Boss, we didn't nick it! Everyone wants a cold drink. 94 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,400 So where's the fridge? 95 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,120 Or will I have to check your quarters? 96 00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,160 OK, then. 97 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:12,200 Right. So where is it? 98 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:15,560 Am I really going to have to tell the colonel there's a thief on base? 99 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,160 Oh! Is there? 100 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,800 Humour again. Good. 101 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,880 We didn't nick it. 102 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,920 OK, if none of you are going to admit it... 103 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:26,200 No? 104 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,120 ..I'll go and see the colonel. 105 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:30,720 No? 106 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:33,680 OK, I'll go. 107 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,240 Nice! She thinks we're a bunch of thieving bastards 108 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,280 and she basically just called Nick a dick. 109 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,840 How we've been "allowed to operate"? 110 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:47,960 In all fairness, Nick was a bit of a dick. 111 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,720 Mmm, Nick was the best. 112 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:53,840 To me, all the Ruperts just meld into one massive Rupert. 113 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:57,040 Yeah! There's a new broom in town, Bird. 114 00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,840 She's cleaning up. 115 00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:02,760 She's cleaning us. She's... 116 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,440 Never mind! 117 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,400 Fancies her! Too right! 118 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:11,800 Come on, let's go and get a brew. Oh! Race you to the cookhouse. 119 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:15,000 First one to get there wins, just in case you'd forgotten. 120 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,120 For fuck's sake! 121 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:19,240 I'm as fit as a butcher's dog, me. 122 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,240 A butcher's dog on steroids. 123 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:24,040 The kind of steroids that make you weak and slow? 124 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,920 Beep test. Jerrycan test. 125 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,920 I'll beat Rocket at anything! 126 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:34,680 Do both! In Catterick our sergeant made us do a beep test 127 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:38,920 carrying jerrycans after we put a Thunderflash down a toilet. 128 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:40,800 Rocket still got an 11. 129 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,240 Aye. And covered in shit. 130 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,160 Come on, then. 131 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,320 Ah, Captain Best. 132 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:57,720 Putting your team through their paces, I see. 133 00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,040 Oh! 134 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:03,880 Great! Always good to focus on fitness and appearance. 135 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,640 Look smart, think smart, fight smart. 136 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:10,040 Hm. I had no idea those three separate things were linked. 137 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:13,640 Illuminating. Well, got to raise the standards after... 138 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,520 You know. Do go on. 139 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,080 Nick Medhurst... 140 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:23,280 ..is a great ATO, but I do things my way. 141 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,800 Which, you'll be pleased to hear, is the Army way. 142 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,720 Oh. Is it? 143 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,680 Yes, sir. He gave them a lot of leeway. 144 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,800 Practical jokes. Humour. 145 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:33,960 Oh, no... 146 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,720 Is that your fridge, sir? 147 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,280 Yes, got to keep the gazpacho cold. 148 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:42,360 It's just that it says Bluestone 42 on it. 149 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:43,680 Does it? 150 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:46,800 Well, I never! 151 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,680 I suppose you'd better have this back. 152 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,840 Thank you, sir! The team will... 153 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,280 I'm sure it'll be just as effective on another fridge... 154 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,360 Oh. ..should you need one. 155 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:00,120 You're not really collecting DNA evidence any more, are you? With the drawdown. 156 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,360 No, sir, but... What's the first rule? 157 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,120 Finders keepers. What's the second rule? Losers weepers. 158 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,400 Carry on. Yes, sir. 159 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:10,960 Beep! Beep! 160 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:15,720 Beep! Beep! 161 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,760 What are you? Roadrunner? 162 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:20,640 Beep! Beep! 163 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,760 Erm, hi. 164 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,480 Turns out the colonel has the fridge. 165 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,000 So, good news - you guys didn't steal it. 166 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,440 Apologies in order. Issued. Tick. We all move on. 167 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:32,920 Er, do we, boss? 168 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:35,560 I mean, you falsely accused your team of stealing, 169 00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:38,320 but I'm sure they'll learn to trust you again. 170 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:40,760 Eventually. Bird, it's only a fridge. 171 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,480 A fridge that Nick got them. And that was not easy. 172 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,480 Oh, he was brilliant. 173 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,120 Well, it's standard issue, isn't it? 174 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,480 DNA evidence? I'll just requisition a new one. 175 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:55,240 Good idea, ma'am. That'll definitely work. Mm. 176 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:56,640 One more thing. 177 00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:00,680 I've been looking at what Nick probably thought of as his paperwork 178 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,960 and there's no record of refresher training 179 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,760 on Battlefield Life-saving Skills, Health and Safety... 180 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:08,920 Oh, we didn't have time for that. What with this, erm... 181 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,240 ..war. 182 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,800 Sure. But you didn't do any Rapid Response training? 183 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,480 Situational Awareness? Oh, we did Situational Awareness. 184 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,920 Yeah, Rocket got confused. Thought we were playing hide and seek. 185 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:23,320 So we played hide and seek. Which was awesome. 186 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:24,440 See you later! 187 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,920 Beep! Beep! 188 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,480 Beep! For fuck's sake! 189 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:38,000 Scotland, the fittest nation on earth! Beep! 190 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,080 I don't fucking believe it. 191 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,840 Great work, guys! 192 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,560 Hands in the air. I've let you down on the fridge. 193 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:47,400 Nick's fridge. The team fridge. So I will get you a new one. 194 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,600 Promise. Beep! Is he all right? 195 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,480 He's fine. Beep! 196 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,400 Probably needs new batteries. 197 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:57,640 Beep! 198 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:14,320 Ah, ma'am. Would you like to inspect your new, tidy Iso? 199 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,680 Sure. And do call me Ellen. 200 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:21,600 I've been wanting to do this for ages, but Nick was all, 201 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,760 "Don't bother, Medal." 202 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,440 Ah, sorry, I should explain. 203 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:31,640 Sometimes the guys like to call me Medal. 204 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,720 Oh, have you got a... No, not yet. 205 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:37,000 Nick wrote me up for one, but the committee's probably deciding 206 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:42,320 what "no regard for his own safety" means in medal terms. 207 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:45,560 Anyway...er... 208 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,200 Wow! 209 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:53,280 That is, er, a bit tidier than it was before. 210 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:54,640 Thank you, Simon. 211 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,040 I've left space for the fridge, 212 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,800 if some bloody clown owns up to stealing it. 213 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,200 Well, actually the Colonel has it. But we're getting a new one. 214 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,800 No, you're not! What? 215 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,720 I can't possibly allow this requisition. 216 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:09,640 By the time a new fridge gets here, the Afghans will be in charge. 217 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:14,000 As I think I've shown, the only way to get a fridge is to steal one. 218 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,640 Sir, I hope that's not... Carry on! 219 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,480 That's fine. I will get a fridge somehow. 220 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,160 That is a Captain Best promise. 221 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:25,320 Oh, yes, ma'am... 222 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,840 Ellen. 223 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,240 Are you OK? 224 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,400 Oh! Yes! It's just the sun. 225 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,920 This tent's actually been set up all wrong. 226 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:39,680 It should actually have been oriented ten degrees that way. 227 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,960 You want me to move the Det by ten degrees? 228 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,200 Could you? 229 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,720 THEY LAUGH Sure. 230 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,800 Great! OK! And I will check! 231 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,240 Jasmine! 232 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,960 Where the fuck did you come from? Are you stalking me? 233 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,280 I need help beating Rocket 234 00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,720 and you've got something other people just don't have. 235 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,320 Drugs? I'll get the price list. 236 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,960 No. Not that. Come here. 237 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,440 Touch me again and I'll cut your nuts off! 238 00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,800 Beep! Faster, you piece of meat! 239 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:16,080 Is this the sort of level you're after? Yeah... 240 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,280 Beep! 241 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,200 I will take a razorblade to your fucking perineum! 242 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,000 Aaargh! This is fun! 243 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,880 Fuck your enemy! Fuck him in the eye! 244 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,960 Right, better make this the last hand of the night. 245 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,000 We have got work to do. 246 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,680 C'mon, Rocket. Bling! 247 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:40,320 Hmm? Oh! I still think we should have invited Ellen to play. 248 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:42,080 Oooh, Ellen! 249 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,280 What? She said I could. It's her name. 250 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:46,720 251 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:50,880 252 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,320 W-A... 253 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,000 "Waking him up"? 254 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,480 Hi, guys. Ooh, cards. 255 00:12:58,480 --> 00:12:59,680 Yep. 256 00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:03,600 Kicking back with a bit of poker and some nice warm drinks. 257 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,560 When life doesn't give you a fridge, drink warm lemonade. Mmm! 258 00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:09,880 Bird, can I have a word? 259 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,920 Yep. I fold anyway. 260 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,760 OK, a-hem... 261 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,560 The Colonel. 262 00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,760 Is he always so, erm... 263 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,120 I... 264 00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,120 He's nuts, isn't he? 265 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:26,680 Yeah. Pretty much. 266 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:30,320 He said the only way to get a fridge is to steal one. 267 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:31,680 Interesting. 268 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:35,680 Do you think he wants me to steal the fridge back? 269 00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:38,080 Erm... 270 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,800 Probably. 271 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,080 Yeah, yes. 272 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,680 You should totally do that. 273 00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:46,600 I could get into so much trouble. Mm. 274 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,840 Still, you did promise. 275 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:56,360 Guys, I am going to steal the fridge back. 276 00:13:56,360 --> 00:14:00,080 From a Lieutenant Colonel. For you. My team. 277 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,720 All right. Ma'am, I volunteer to be lookout. 278 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:06,120 No. I think this is something I have to do on my own. 279 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,680 Got it! 280 00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:13,600 "Wanking him off"! 281 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,680 But why up a tree? 282 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,000 TENSE MUSIC 283 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,160 DOOR CREAKS 284 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:47,880 Oh, shit it! 285 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,120 You want fridge? 286 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:58,080 Yes. No. Yes...if you can get one by tomorrow morning. 287 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,160 50 dollars. It is agreed. 288 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:03,480 Wait, 50? 30. Half off for first order. 289 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,320 Well, I haven't seen the... Half off is 25. 290 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,560 Five dollar booking fee. Bye-bye! 291 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:19,760 Towerblock, are you OK? 292 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,120 You look like my mum after my Uncle Rab's been round 293 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,840 for his afternoon lie-down. We are having a Beep Test rematch. 294 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:29,800 1600 hours. Out there. And I'm going to beat you! 295 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,640 Are you? OK. 296 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,400 Notice anything? 297 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,720 Yeah, your chin is on my shoulder. 298 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:42,800 The Det. 299 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,560 No? 300 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,120 We moved it. Ten degrees. 301 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:50,960 Why? 302 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,200 Captain Best didn't like the way the sun was coming in. 303 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:55,640 Typical Rupert! 304 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,880 Surprised she didn't get you to move the sun instead! 305 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,440 Oh, don't be ridiculous, Towerblock. She's not insane! 306 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:03,520 Oh, is this about Simon moving the Det because he fancies Ellen? 307 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:08,040 THEY LAUGH MOCKINGLY No. She gave me orders, so I obey them. 308 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,480 That's why ye fancy her. Ye like being ordered about. 309 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,240 Your old fiancee used to order you about and you liked that. 310 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:16,280 No... Aye. Captain Best, the new Charlotte. 311 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:17,720 Ha-ha-ha! 312 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,240 She is not the new Charlotte. 313 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,720 Morning, Boss. 314 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,120 Morning! 315 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,280 Notice anything? 316 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,880 The Det, we moved it as ordered. 317 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,720 Simon, I was joking! 318 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,000 Yes. 319 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,320 I knew that... 320 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:40,760 and we moved it as part of the joke! 321 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,960 For fuck's sake! Eh? 322 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,120 Erm...funny! 323 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,240 And we'll be moving it back. 324 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,320 So... 325 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,040 ..the joke's on you! 326 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:53,200 Or us... 327 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:56,760 Or someone. 328 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,720 Ah-ha! One Captain Best promise delivered. 329 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:08,360 Faster than requisition! Cheaper than Dixons! 330 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,600 Faruq, that's a wooden box, painted white. 331 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,520 Yes. You put a block of ice in the top, 332 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,840 will keep the contents cold two, three hours. 333 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,640 Where am I going to get a block of ice from? 334 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,640 You want freezer? Oh, you've got a freezer? 335 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:20,600 No, it's just another box, isn't it? 336 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,240 Well... 337 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:23,720 No, just... 338 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,400 OK. Hands in the air. I'm sorry. 339 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,920 I have failed on the fridge front. 340 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,600 But can we just get on with analysing yesterday's operation? 341 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,000 But we need coldies. You did promise, Boss. 342 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,800 This is pathetic! We're soldiers. 343 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,840 We should want to be the best with or without coldies. 344 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,040 I'm trying to create a different mind-set here but you know what? 345 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:47,240 Just fuck it! 346 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:50,120 Let's just muddle along until someone else gets blown up! 347 00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,600 Er, Boss, you know Nick's injury wasn't his fault? 348 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,360 You've read the report. I know, I know. No respect. 349 00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:58,600 Fine, Bird, I'll say it. I don't respect Nick Medhurst. 350 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,600 Why? Because he didn't respect you. Any of you. 351 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,440 Because he didn't push you. 352 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,880 I extended my tour for you, 353 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,640 because I heard that you could be the best team in Afghan. 354 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,040 Potential operator. Potential chief bleep. 355 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,520 Potential Army 100. 356 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:15,680 Special Forces. 357 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:18,120 Very tidy. 358 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,440 But in order to do that, you have to work at it, hard. 359 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,600 So can we forget about the stupid fridge? 360 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,680 Nick would've got it back. 361 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:31,360 No, he wouldn't! How? 362 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:34,520 I don't know, Boss. Maybe he'd have just asked. 363 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,800 Ask? Genius! I have actually... 364 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,360 I haven't specifically... 365 00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:42,080 I will ask. Meeting postponed. 366 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,400 Follow me, bitch. 367 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,680 Oh, not again. It's beast o'clock. 368 00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,400 Sir. 369 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,560 Ah, Captain! Like the new Det. 370 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:01,040 Jaunty. 371 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,880 Er, yeah, thanks. Can I ask... 372 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:06,000 It's not really orthodox, using basil in gazpacho, 373 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,440 but I find it just works. 374 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,120 What's the first rule? 375 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,520 Do what works. 376 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,160 I'm not really a recipe kind of a girl, sir. 377 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,800 I just eat what's in the tin. Anyway... 378 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:22,200 Yes, but sometimes, you have to think outside the tin. 379 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,040 Fresh fruit and things like that? 380 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,440 I mean let go of the tin. You don't need the tin. 381 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,480 Approach the problem in a less tinny way. 382 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:37,000 Sir, about the fridge. Should I talk to the CQMS or... 383 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,720 No. 384 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,000 All the fridges you need... 385 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,160 ..are already here. 386 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,320 Sir, can I have the fridge back? No. 387 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:49,600 Right. OK. 388 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,360 Sir. Sorry, Boss, shout on. Transport in ten. 389 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:55,640 Sir. 390 00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:58,880 Ooh, gazpacho. 391 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,320 Mmm! 392 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,760 PEOPLE CHATTER 393 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,680 Faruq. 394 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,320 Do you want to come and take a look once I've rendered it safe? 395 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,320 You'll need experience at the business end 396 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:34,680 if you're going to be an operator. Oh, mint. Cheers, Boss! 397 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:36,080 Bumlick! 398 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:39,720 We've got a new Ato, Bird. Get over it. Everyone else has. 399 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,720 Yeah, at the exact moment she blew smoke up our arses. 400 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,920 So, standard procedure. I want you 30 yards back, OK? 401 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:48,800 Yes, ma'am. 402 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,240 MIMICKING HIM: Yes, ma'am! Have you got a hard-on? 403 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:59,080 No, it's the constriction of the blood flow with the bla... 404 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,120 I haven't anyway! Eyes on! 405 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,960 Actually, Bird, can we widen the cordon to 150 metres? 406 00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,040 Really, Boss? Why? 407 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:10,880 I don't like the atmospherics. 408 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,240 Because the device feels rushed, like it's a come-on. 409 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:14,880 And because, Corporal, I'm a captain 410 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,320 and a highly-trained Ato on my second fucking tour! 411 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:19,800 Yes, Boss. 412 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,600 Charlie Charlie One, this is Bluestone 42. We are extending 413 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,080 the cordon to one five zero metres. 414 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,360 Diamond 21, acknowledge. Over. 415 00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:29,640 Diamond 21. Roger. Out. 416 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,520 Check this guy out. He looks about 160. 417 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,600 Keep your eyes on him. He could be a threat. 418 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,440 Ha! Him? What's he going to do? 419 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,160 Come up close and piss hisself? Ha-ha-ha! 420 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,720 OK. Cordon secure, Boss. 421 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,200 Thank you, Bird. 422 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,600 Observation, anticipation, control. 423 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:06,640 Boss on the move! 424 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,560 That guy's really lost it. 425 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,120 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Get back! 426 00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,440 Boss, get back! 427 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:17,880 Cover! 428 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:19,680 FARUQ SHOUTS IN OWN LANGUAGE 429 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,640 Wadrega! 430 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:25,760 Hands in the air! 431 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,040 Hands in the air! 432 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,640 SHOUTS IN OWN LANGUAGE 433 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:32,400 Everyone down! 434 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:35,600 EXPLOSION 435 00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:38,480 Fuckin' hell! 436 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:39,760 Fuck me! 437 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,440 Everyone OK? 438 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:44,920 Skip? Skip? Are you all right? 439 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,000 Yes. 440 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,200 You all right, Towerblock? You all right, Bird? 441 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,560 Yeah! 442 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:58,040 Diamond 21, this is Bluestone 42. Contact, suicide bomber. 443 00:22:58,040 --> 00:22:59,440 Sitrep to follow. Wait out. 444 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,200 His fuckin' head came off! Did you see it? 445 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:02,800 That was fuckin' mingin'! 446 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,920 I thought he was just some old stoned guy. 447 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,560 He was. They get guys that are about to die, they drug them 448 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,080 and they talk them into it. 449 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:10,400 That is fucked up! 450 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,840 Yeah, well, that's the Taliban. 451 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:14,600 First suicide bomber? 452 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,080 Yeah. I think so. 453 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,000 We had a couple in Kandahar. 454 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,960 You always get traumatic amputation of the head. 455 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,000 SHE MAKES BURSTING SOUND 456 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,320 No, it's not nice. 457 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,640 Sorry, Nick Medhurst would probably say something humorous now 458 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:31,040 to get you all laughing but, er... 459 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:34,720 Well, I'm just going to get the job done and get you home ASAP, yeah? 460 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,720 It's a shame we're not collecting forensics. 461 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:37,960 There's a bit on Mac's face. 462 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:39,200 Eh? 463 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,280 Urgh! Fuck! 464 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:43,640 HE RETCHES 465 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,920 I think I'm going tae boak! 466 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:49,840 DNA evidence! Bird, that is genius! 467 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:01,800 Bloody hell. 468 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,760 Yep, that'll do it. 469 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,480 Could you find Captain Best for me? Yes, sir. 470 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:14,200 471 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:17,680 Where's your head at? 472 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,360 The race is ready to begin. 473 00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:22,800 Will the players take their jerrycans! 474 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:27,800 If you lose, I will catheterise you with a bendy straw! 475 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,320 What have I done? 476 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:31,960 Here's yours, Towerblock. 477 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,560 No! I don't fancy running with these English cans. 478 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,680 They're way heavier. You what? 479 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:39,520 THUD 480 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:41,920 LIGHT ECHO 481 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:47,200 You cheating bastard! That's how he beat me the first time. 482 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:48,720 So I am the fittest. 483 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:50,640 Oh, forget it. Test's off. 484 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:53,800 Oh, test's off? I thought we could all do it together. 485 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:54,920 Team bonding. 486 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,640 Bonding? With that cheating bastard? 487 00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:59,160 Chill out, Towerblock. 488 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,120 Literally...with a cold drink. 489 00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:03,560 Fuck me, it's the fridge! Ooh, is there ice cream? 490 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,240 How did you get it back? 491 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:06,280 Well... 492 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,000 That is mingin'! Jesus, Boss! 493 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,120 I double-bagged it! Basic food hygiene! 494 00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:13,800 Had to get the fridge back somehow. 495 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,160 And I thought, what would Nick Medhurst have done? 496 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,360 Not that! He wasn't a psychopath! 497 00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:20,680 Not sure he'd have bothered to get it back at all. 498 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,000 Or he'd have got it and just stuck it in his quarters. 499 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,240 Yeah, thinking about it, he'd have probably just told us to fuck off. 500 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,760 Aye. Yeah. Well, I'm sure he wouldn't. 501 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:31,480 Anyway, why don't we all do the test and work up a thirst? 502 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,720 Work up a thirst? It's 36 degrees in the shade! 503 00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,280 Tell me about it. 504 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,240 I just finished moving the bloody Det back. 505 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:39,880 Simon, you didn't have to... 506 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:43,280 Good! Great work! 507 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:44,600 HE BABBLES 508 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:49,480 OK, is everyone doing the test? 509 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,160 THEY AGREE 510 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,000 Bit tired, but I suppose so, Charlotte. 511 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,640 THEY LAUGH MOCKINGLY 512 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,560 Captain. Charlotte? 513 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,560 I said Captain, Boss, ma'am. 514 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,880 OK...Grab those jerrycans, everyone. 515 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:07,960 Um, Jasmine, will you do the honours? 516 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,240 I would be fucking delighted. 517 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:13,440 Beep! 518 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,720 MUSIC: The Final Countdown by Europe 519 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:47,600 Ha-ha! Yes! 520 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,080 Hey, Mac, now who's the fittest, eh? 521 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:51,400 Who's the fittest? 522 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:54,480 Uh, fucking hell. That woman is a machine. 523 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:57,520 Beep! 524 00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:00,560 Beep! 525 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:02,080 APPLAUSE 526 00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,720 Great work, everyone! Coldies! 527 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:08,240 Nice one, Boss! Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. 528 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:09,800 PMA first thing tomorrow morning. 529 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,840 Now though, we need to return the... 530 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,520 DNA evidence, so they can have a proper burial. 531 00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,600 Towerblock, can you run it back to the village for me? What, now, Boss? 532 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:20,640 Ma'am, I've got this. 533 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:24,040 Pick it up...and fucking run, you tapeworm! 534 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,440 Pick it up, pick... Run, fucking run... 535 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,280 Run, you fuckwit, fucking run! 536 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,880 Everyone else, situational awareness training in 15 minutes. 537 00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,560 Situational awareness! Brilliant! 538 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:37,640 I'll count to 100 and you all go and hide. 539 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,520 Best team in Afghan. You know it. 540 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,520 Three...four...five... 541 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:47,000 six...seven...eight... 542 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,600 er, nine... 543 00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,960 ten...11? 544 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:54,320 Uh...